Sfax

well my mp3 player passed away a week or 2 back. it was a sad time indeed but it died in its sleep, peacefully im sure. so i am lonely and i often find myself longing for its company and crying out to the god of mechinations... why has thou done this unto me, why...

but, alas, this is the way of all things. Young Chris, a fellow student now running amok with rambo rammy in europe, left all his material (not really but atleast his sonic) possessions in melbourne. and he is an accomplished musician. so why not me? well, its not like i have a choice but i do try and see things in this light. still, when i hear the songs of the libyan sahara i know i will be missing something.

and insha'allah, we will be in Libya this time tomorrow. or atleast fumbling through the border in spurts of terribly broken arabic with Leena and Tim. Leena is also an arabic student so with our powers combined im sure this wont get us much further, seeing as we both know about the same verbs and nouns. tim will stand back and enjoy the scenery along with our attempts in arabic. we will meet our guides on the other side i hope and then we will embark on a whirlwind tour of Libya.

Libya is a big country and we dont have much time to see it all. we will go south, almost to the border with Niger and this will entail long drives there and back to the coast to exit into egypt, all in 10 or so days. will grab a copy of Ghadafi's green book and let you know abut the third path in a couple of weeks.

entropy

i was sitting there on the side of my hotel bed. upright with my back arched like a wrechted old man with a cane. yet i had no cane. however, i was peaceful. contently gazing into the glass at the bedside table which was fizzing. white bubbles frothed at the top of my glass as the liquid under it turned orange. the culprit: one formerly white vitamin c effevescent tab. the funny thing in this excercise in entropy was that i realised i was completely engaged in it. no excitement, just contentment... little did i know at the time but this was the most interesting occurence in my day and i was really at peace with myself - that or i was still high on medication.

so. how did i get this way? in fact, where the hell am i? well not to panic, im still in tunis. ive moved out of my host families house and i have been pretty damn sick the last few days.

it all started with the final exam at bourgiba school. it was much easier than the first exam but all four tests went from 9 in the morning until deep into hte afternoon. crazy. anyways, i wasnt feeling too good but dont let that stop hisham cos celebrations were in order to mark the end of 2 months of mental anguish and pain (arabic). and so he did.

the next day i was feeling worse but i thought id take advantage of the free tour down the coast and mosied on down to Hammamet. cut to the chase, i fainted in the hotel bathroom the next morning. i fell on my left bum cheek apparently (if not, brent has some explaining to do) and it still hurts to this day. just tahnk God i didnt fall any other way. doctor came... low blood pressure, espeicially when standing and a high fever (40.3 degrees). i was advised to get some tests done in a nearby clinic. did so, all good. just had to control the fever. after one night on paracetemol and a drip (which wasnt even working i flatlined (at 37 degrees buddy) and made my way back to tunis.

but that was only the start of it. the libya thing had to be postponed, my host mum was being difficult when i needed to some love and attention. couldnt do much about the libya thing cos my head was still spinning but had to leave home cos i just couldnt handle it. thats a story for another time.

and here i am in a hotel in the centre of town recovering at last and trying to plan libya, etc. will let you know how i go.

من شارع حرية

thanks for all the feedback re etiquette (slight sarcasm). French is all around me and it just didnt come to mind for some reason.

im back into the swing of things to do with study. i am really savouring the experience although it may not sound that way from some of my previous outbursts. i am privileged to be in Tunisia learning arabic and although i have never felt this stupid, well maybe once or twice before but not for this extended period of time, i feel like another world is opening up for me, albeit grain by grain.

im in an internet cafe listening to my broken mp3 player. Brent, after having a couple of red wines, tried to wrestle with me in the darkness of a desert night down south. although he was largely unsuccesful i did end up rolling down the side of a previously untampered dune with my mp3 in my pocket. the next morning i found it with a cracked screen, unable to change it from random play. now i either sit and bet on the one in 430 probabality that my song will come up or else accept the fact and lsiten to the sound track of my life, as God wills.

with this in mind i sometimes walk to school. i leave as the sun comes up and arrive at school around 1 hour and 5 minutes later. the cars build up and blow their horns around me. at intersections the traffic police blow their whistles every other second as i often overtake the same car 5 times before it finds a clearing and weaves away ahead of me. this hour and 5 minutes together with my abstract arrangement of music provides me with deep insights at times, about life and the way of all things. but i am pressed to get to school on or around time so i dont write them down, instead frantically repeating them in my mind in order to keep them in memory. not always successful but perhaps they will be come to mind easier sooner or later. i promise myself to do this more often, even more, to take the time and walk to no certain place by no certain time. but these are the sort of promises and grand ideals we make in the comfort of a peaceful mind but do not neccesarily manifest and materialise when confronted with 'life' - or at least i am speaking for myself. nevertheless, we do try.

...............

tunisia is really a confused country. the people here dont know if they,re arab or european. being a liberal Muslim country - mostly secular - they are shunned by other states in the middle east but can never quite make it with the frenchies and italians. nevertheless they tag along like some unwanted acquaitance that europe doesnt really care for. and although deep down they're definately arab, Tunisia's bold move in 1957 towards secularism and europe has helped them construct a platform on which to look down over the rest of the arab/muslim world shuold they need to.

and sometimes they do. they are insecure and looking for an identity. "what do you think of tunisia?"... in broken english. even more pertinently; "what do you think of tunisians?" ...pause... and i reply: 'i love it, the people are very beautiful.' and this is true but the pause is an honest reflection about a people who are really asking for reassurance and reaffirmation.

i looked in on an english class with a group of adult tunisians the other day. the topic was sterotypes, and although it was initially a light hearted discussion, the discussion soon began to reveal the communities outward discourses about others, and naturally then, about themselves. superficial schisms between people and societies were progressively emboldened as the guise of a 'light hearted discussion' allowed the protagonists views to be liberated. but, as it was evident to me anyhow, 'liberated' only by their insecurities and lack of awareness. even the words 'generally speaking ofcourse' were lost and long forgotten.

and how easy it is to note this here in Tunis. me, coming from a privileged country and a privileged society with liberal ideas and the freedom to choose and speak as i like. i can look upon this country and pick at it with my sophisticated academic insights and knowledge acquired through 'unbiased' informational sources... can't i? i mean my preconcieved ideas of political and socio-economic backwardness could well be justified. the president here recieves 95 per cent of the vote and has remained in power for almost two decades. his dignified picture is framed and hung in public view in every shop, politics here is a sensitive topic to speak about in the street, and the disparity between rich and poor is absurd. i can pick this place to pieces and im sure most people do, if they are that way inclined. but in truth, if i was another way inclined, i see the same insecurities in my own nation. and they may be just as real as the view that a westerner sees in tunisia. issues of identity? insecurity? ignorance? i can see it every day back home on tv, in the newspapers, in the streets and pubs, and in myself. and these things don't disappear easily regardless of how hard we may pretend they aren't there.

every society has weaknesses and every society can be differentiated by way of characterisations. today, with all that we are shown from our globalised media environment, it is all the more easy to do so. but on a personal level these differences are fundamentally subverted by one similarity. you can figure it out. not even ideas can break down that similarity. only insecurity, ignorance and our fallibility, in essence; our vulnerabilities. i dont want to give it away too early but thats not bad news. without vulnerabilities we are not human. it is how we accept these vulnerabilities, and, in the words of the late Curtis Mayfield, 'move on up', that we become really alive.

xo

Aunties xoxo

Free time today (again, i shuold be studying) and i am trying to use the internet while the host family is away. Alas, this connection is crap and so much time is wasted. Anyways, i have finally found myself typing, spurred on by words of encouragement from Auntie Pam in New Zealand. (thanks for the update and my regards and best wishes to all!)

I have found myself a social butterfly since i arrived in Tunis. In Australia i can go days without seeing (and wanting to see) those troublesome twats i call my friends. however, here in tunis i find myself wanting to go out to a coffee shop and meet and chat and hang out every day. i have several theories:

to begin with i have become closely acquainted with my shishy-wishies (shisha - flavoured tobacco that is smoked out of a big water based pipe). While my peers argued that shisha tobacco was not chemically addictive - only habitually comelling (idiots) - i profusely extolled on them the fact that it was addicitve and contained nicotine. whatever its chemical make up is exactly, i know that when i havent had one i get the urge to have one. and then when i do have one i find that feeling goes away. by then, ofcourse, the thing is in my mouth and i continue along my merry smoky way.

reason number two... i need to communicate and i need to hear others express themselves in a language i can wallow in comfortably. talking with taunt Sabah (my tunissien Mum) at home can be a little frustrating because of the language barrier. on top of that i have to be mindful of manners and eticat around her (someone tell me how to spell that damn word) - which remains in some form despite the 'my home is your home' rhetoric. Cultural distinctions are still materialising and making themselves clear even now. furthermore, her suspicions about me getting her 16 year old son drunk on New Years and the subtle punishments i recieve (so subtle they might just be of my own making) are more than evident (but i didnt even see him with a drink in his hand the whole night, honest!).

Even more than this is Aumou Fauzi, who cant speak good english and insists i speak arabic all the time. unfortunately his idea of a conversation involves a myriad of new vocabulary that i just cant fathom. and on such occasions his mouth is more than likely full of sugary, white bread or fruit. so instead of communcation, Fauzi enjoys taking the piss out of me while i sit there awaiting the exact translation from Alan (the other student the family is hosting) whos consumate knowledge of arabic and ease of communication with the family compounds my feelings of inferiority due to a lack of language ability. all the while my childish emotions scream inside my head that 'life just is not fair and everyone's being a meany to me.' ive probably gone over this before, have i not.

another theory is that the longer im in tunisia the closer things become routine. and we all know about routine. so i find any excuse to go out and break the routine (or atleast add onto my routine 'Hisham and pals time'). Particularly after a 2 week holiday from school that included xmas, a trip to the south, eid, and new years, i have almost succeeded in destroying routine, relaxing responsibility, and severely maiming moderation. so much so im trapped in a viscious cycle of depravity that can only be culled by a strictly set, loud, alarm clock that will wake me up and take me back to school, study and early nights, insha'allah! we will see. and by the way, i am loving the tunisian experiance despite my tales of woe.

i tried to get another picture up, it didnt work.

the trip to the south was amazing. beautiful part of the country but being thrown from place to place in a small bus made everyone grumpy and annoyed by the last day. that picture below was taken at dawn out in the desert where i spent the coldest night ever under the stars. the fire was next to us but palm fronds keep it lit for only so long. two of my four blankets were saturated by moisture come morning. nevertheless, the stars and the quiet, lonely desert keep my memories warm.

that is a little iranian nut of a lady atop the camel. and we love you too, yes we do.

hi

Ever heard of the mediterrenean sea? as i flew over it from Italy to Tunisia, funnily enough, it looked exactly as its basic description might relate to you. i widish expanse of water - but not so much so that a good hour of aero-transport could not traverse it - that seperates two continents. But what was not at first apparent from this description and not intitially visible from my two eyes, was an immense sense of depth, not from under those distant fine waves below my plane window, but through (the concept of) time. Empires and navies, triremes to aircraft carriers, had all inhabited this space in another time.

The centre of the Earth, where Phoenecians, Vandals, Greeks, Romans, Byzantines, Almohads and Arabs, Ottomans, Italians, French, British, and others, had all grasped at this space and (mostly) recoiled back into history of time. in just over an hour I had seen it all. ***this description of time and space is somewhat problematic according to certain theories of relativity, which do not distinguish between time and space but inculde them as a single concept - im reading Brian Greene at the moment; 'The Fabric of the Cosmos'. however, for literary purposes 'time' and 'space' are mine to be used however i wish...*** Then came Tunisia.


could i have a photo?! omg... although it has no relevance to this post that picture was taken in the centre of Tunisia out in the white sand desert at Dawn (ie. before sunrise) 5 days ago. im gonna do some homwork now but will be back soon, insh'allah.

ok

so... a request to update from some gutless anonymity. show yourself!

has it really been a month? and even that update was behind time. well let me try and explain myself.
i did spent a week trying to upload some pics to this site but was frustratingly unsuccesful. so much so that i gave up with the internet thing for at least another week. also, tunisia has been full on. straight into an arabic course that is turning my hair grey and challenging my dreams of intelligence that i once held so dear. now what do i possibly have to offer the world... my occasional politeness and relaxed way of life given the right circumstances? my jolly laughter and wack sense of humour that often gets carried away or else appeals only to the like minded few who arent in positions of power anyway? *sob*. how did i get here? don't worry, dismiss these words and send them to hell. (a line from our tunisien tour guide, Taiyeb, regarding the troublesome ware sellers that relentlessly prey on often weary but sometimes vulnerbale tourists.)

also, im trying to organise a tour through libya on my way to egypt against all odds. the road to libya is beset with arab laziness, Ghadafi craziness, and words of discouragement from all corners of the globe. but i will keep trying, my final option before succumbing to the commercialised skies will be to buy a camel and trade my way through the sahara with a beduin caravan or else search for a Ben Ali 5 star cruise (or any half sea worthy trawler) willing to take my to Egypt. but let me try and update you on some goings on here in the ideas capital (yes, 'libya and algeria have oil but tunisia has ideas HaHaa!!!!' as Taiyeb would have us believe) of the magreb.

after the excitements of christmas, our tour to the south, Eid al-Adha and then New Yaers i have some down time - although it really should be spent doing homework. so lets see what i can write. if its not much its becuase i dont like you and have to do homework.

xo